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I know you probably don't care what I'm going to say but your article on divorce is a bit confusing. You state god said he god divorce yet the Hebrew used is shalach which is not the Hebrew word for divorce(SIC). Also Paul says are you bound from your wife seek not to be loose. If you are loose seek not a wife but if you seek a wife you have not sinned. Loose means divorce in Greek. Also Jesus said I say to you anyone who put away his wife expect in adultery as sin. Ezra the men left their wife and did not give them divorce bill. This is what Jesus was talking about. Jesus says follow the law of Mose and write a divorce bill. Shalach is putting away and the men were putting away there wives. They were kicking the wives out without giving them divorce bills . Divorce was not adultery for adultery was death. So remarriage can't be adultery because of that reason. Again Divorce can't be adultery for it was death. I know this is short because I don't want to waste your time.
The article I read relating to being a submissive wife has enlighten me so much. I have been struggling in my marriage and the only encouragement I've been receiving is to be submissive. As I've been attempting to do this for sometime and often failing. Today I realized that I didn't truly understand the role of a submissive wife
How does God view our marriage since we have never consummated it? Can it be annulled? I have been married for 8 years and we have never had sex within the marriage. Both of us are miserable. We are more like roommates and really have never been like husband and wife. I have felt more like his mother most times. I can hardly stand to be around my husband and spend all of my time away from the house, only coming home when I know he will almost be asleep and go to bed myself. We have slept in separate beds for 2 years now. I accepted Jesus as my Personal Saviour in May 2009 and he is not a believer. I am concerned because I am so unhappy in my marriage and do not see it turning around one bit. But I know God does not like divorce.
Answer:
This does not erase the negative consequences of our sin nor can it undo the harm done in our lives by the sin or the lives of others. You will always bear the memory and results of your actions. One's spouse, children and family will always live under the shadow of the divorce. However, this does not mean that you cannot live a life now and in the future for the Lord Jesus Christ and once again have the joy and peace of salvation.
Think about alcoholics, drug addicts, thieves, etc. God forgives them of their sin and after they are truly saved many live fruitful lives that honor the Lord. They have to bear the consequences of their acts such as prison, being branded a criminal and in the case of drug abusers, have a weakened body and shorter life. This applies also to those who sinned after they were saved as they will bear a lost of testimony that is hard, but not impossible to recover. The day we truly repent begins a new day. Every day we live in repentance, obeying the Lord, honors God. David sinned by committing adultery and then murder. It destroyed his family and hindered his role as the king of Israel..however, David being truly repentant went on to be used of the Lord to write many of the Psalms that are such a blessing to so many down through the ages. We never can forget our past sins, but we take our comfort and the strength to go with our lives, knowing that God has forgiven us and that we can serve Him today and for the rest of our lives. It is said that God is the God of new beginnings and that is surely true. Every believer whom God has forgiven should make it a daily prayer to thank God for His wonderful mercy and forgiveness and for the strength He gives to keep us from sinning as we have in the past. We each have the rest of our lives to show God our appreciation for His mercy and Grace. Read Psalm 40. If a Christian is remarried they should remain in their present marriage. It did not have a good beginning, but the past cannot be changed. What one can do is make the present marriage one that honors the Lord. Even if one's spouse is not saved a believer can live a godly life before there marriage partner and be a good testimony. In 1 Cor. 7:10,13,27, God say not to seek to be loosed from an unsaved spouse. Verse 16 says, "For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shall save thy husband or how knowest thou O man, whether thou shalt saved thy wife." The verse is addressing one's first marriage, but I believe that the principle applies as well to a second marriage. If the wife, lives a faithful and godly live before her husband he may be saved in time. When Christian couples who have remarried come to me concerned about this matter I instruct them to first, together in prayer each confess their sin to God and ask His forgiveness. I do not mean every detail, but the general nature of each of their sins. One part of the process I suggest is to go to their estranged spouses and confess their sins against them and asking for their forgiveness. This may be difficult and a humbling experience especially if the fault was with the other spouse. You should do the same thing with your children and family. You should explain that you have also asked God's forgiveness. This clears the matter with everyone and especially with the Lord. Second, I suggest to them to that after a year has passed to have a private ceremony of restating their vows to the Lord and making a fully commitment to live their lives faithfully to the Lord as individuals and as a couple. I do not marry any divorced people Christians or not, but I will hold this personal dedication ceremony for those who want forgiveness and a future life together that honors the Lord. A second marriage based on this honest confession of sin and desire to live for the Lord can be blessed by God.
In 1 Cor. 6:910, when Paul said: "Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind, Nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners, shall inherit the kingdom of God."
He says that people with these serious sins will not inherit the Kingdom of God and he includes adulterers. However, Paul began the statement saying that the "unrighteous" shall not inherit the kingdom of God. The "unrighteous" as those that are lost or unsaved, and then the verse lists the sin state of these lost "unrighteous." Once a person is saved, he is forgiven all past sins which would include all these sins as well. The believer is "born again" and is a new person in Christ Jesus (2 Cor. 5:17). He does not continue in his past life style which was filled with sinful acts. That is the mark of a true conversion and belief in Jesus Christ, that the old life is repented of and abandoned. If a person professes Christ and continues in sin clearly he has not been born again. He still is a fornicator, idolater, adulterer, etc and this is the pattern of his life he is showing that he was never saved and will not go to heaven. A divorced person who truly repents of their sin is forgiven of God. 1 John 1:9, tells us that if a believer sins and confesses it to God and repents, God forgives and cleanses them from the sin (meaning takes it away and they do not this sin any more). (see the Question proceeding this one for more detail. The divorced person will bear the consequences of their divorce, with includes a broken home, children and family hurt by the break up. Further a divorced man is not qualified to be a pastor, or a deacon (servant) in a church or serve in positions of leadership in a church. However, they can begin a new life, by confessing their sins to the Lord and to those they hurt and then in repentance serve the Lord in other ways and live a godly life in the future and thus honor the Lord.
First, God does not approve of divorce. Jesus said in Mark 10:2-9, 12.
"And the Pharisees came to him, and asked him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife? tempting him. And he answered and said unto them, What did Moses command you? And they said, Moses suffered to write a bill of divorcement, and to put her away. And Jesus answered and said unto them, For the hardness of your heart he wrote you this precept. But from the beginning of the creation God made them male and female. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife; And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. And in the house his disciples asked him again of the same matter. And he saith unto them, Whosoever shall put away his wife, and marry another, committeth adultery against her. And if a woman shall put away her husband, and be married to another, she committeth adultery."
Second, Jesus said that if one puts away his spouse and marries another he commits adultery. Third, God gives biblical instruction concerning separation and living with an unsaved spouse. 1 Corinthians 7:10-17.
Several things are taught here.
1. God commands that the wife not depart. V10 1 Cor. 10:27, says this also. Clearly, God prefers that one's marriage not be broken. Some say that Verse 11, allows for the wife to depart, but I believe the correct meaning of the "departing" is expressed by Barnes this way:
"If she have withdrawn by a rash and foolish act; if she has attempted to dissolve the marriage vow, she is to remain unmarried, or be reconciled. She is not at liberty to marry another. This may refer, I suppose, to instances where wives, ignorant of the rule of Christ, and supposing that they had a right to separate themselves from their husbands, had rashly left them, and had supposed that the marriage contract was dissolved. Paul tells them that this was impossible; and that if they had so separated from their husbands, the pure laws of Christianity did not recognize this right, and they must either be reconciled to their husbands or remain alone. The marriage tie was so sacred that it could not be dissolved by the will of either party." (Barnes New Testament Notes, 1 Cor. 7:11)
Concerning verse 15, Barnes has this to say:
The decision you make should be based on what God has said in His word. God has certainly promised to always be with us no matter what our trial may be. James 1:2-8 says:
"My brethren, count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptations; Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience. But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing. If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him. But let him ask in faith, nothing wavering. For he that wavereth is like a wave of the sea driven with the wind and tossed. For let not that man think that he shall receive any thing of the Lord. A double minded man is unstable in all his ways."
I think verse 5 can be a great consolation to us. Here God says that if we lack the wisdom to handle our trials, we are to ask Him and He will give us the understanding bountifully and without scolding us. The key to overcoming trials is prayer. Many have found that living is harsh circumstances can be tolerated and one can even "rejoice" in the trial and find peace in the midst of the storm. That is hard for us to understand because of the emotional stress trials normally have. God says, "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law."
The follow passages also give the believer the sure hope of God's presence and of overcoming this old world.
Rom. 12:21 "Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good."
1 John 4:4 "Ye are of God, little children, and have overcome them: because greater is he that is in you, than he that is in the world." 1 John 5:4-5 "For whatsoever is born of God overcometh the world: and this is the victory that overcometh the world, even our faith. Who is he that overcometh the world, but he that believeth that Jesus is the Son of God?" In closing may I say, that God does not work on our time table, but he does answer prayer. If you are sincerely asking God for help He will give it. It may come in several forms, but it will come. God could give you the extra grace to live in your situation. He certainly did for the Apostle Paul who had a "thorn" in the flesh (1 Cor 12:7-10). God said Paul was stronger spiritually because of the affliction he suffered. God could save your husband or remove him. God has many options and will choose the best for you. One thing also is clear, there is reward for obeying God and our trials can produce good. I so pray that God will strengthen you and bring peace and joy to your soul. I would suggest that you seek your pastor's help if you can. In the many years now I have been saved I have seen some dark times and storms in life, but God did not forsake me. At times I thought He had and let my faith wane and was not trusting, but he brought me back each time. I close with this passage from the Psalms: "I waited patiently for the LORD; and he inclined unto me, and heard my cry. He brought me up also out of an horrible pit, out of the miry clay, and set my feet upon a rock, and established my goings. And he hath put a new song in my mouth, even praise unto our God: many shall see it, and fear, and shall trust in the LORD. Blessed is that man that maketh the LORD his trust. . ." (Psa. 40:1-4).
1. The incontinence or lewdness of unmarried persons, male or female. In a general sense fornication could also be defined as "the gratification of sexual appetites without respect to marriage or the necessity of God's approval." The Bible uses this term as a general description for immorality (Matt. 5:32; 15:19; 19:9; Acts 15:20,29; 21:15; Romans 1:29; 1 Cor. 5:1; 6:18; 7:2; 2 Cor. 12:21; Gal. 5:19; Eph. 5:3; Col. 3:5; 1 Thess. 4:3; Rev. 9:21). Like adultery, fornication is also used in a spiritual sense to describe turning from God to serve false gods (Eze. 16:29-34; Re. 2:21; 14:8; 17:2,4; 18:3; 19:2). The Greek word translated fornication is porneia, from which the English word "pornographic" is derived. Some have taught that the sexual union between men and women equates marriage, but this is not the case. The married man and woman become one spiritually and physically by an act of God, not by an a mere act of sexual intimacy (Matt. 19:5-6). The oneness between Adam and Eve was created when God pronounced brought them together as man and wife even before they knew each other intimately (Gen. 2:22,23). Immoral sexual relations do produce a unity between the partners (1 Cor. 6:15-18), but the Bible nowhere says this equates marriage. When a married man and woman commit adultery or when a single man and woman commit fornication, they are joined together in their sin, but they are not thereby married. If this were the case, the fornicators would not need to be married; they would already be married to their partners through the sexual relationship. This is not the case, though. According to the Mosaic law, if a man enticed an unmarried girl and had relations with her, he was obligated to marry her unless her father refused to allow that (Exod. 22:16-17). The law did not say the two were already married because of their sexual union. The fact that the girl's father could refuse to allow his daughter to be the man's wife is proof that they were not already wed. The New Testament teaches the same thing. In 1 Cor. 5:1, for example, we see the case of the church member who committed the sin of fornication with his father's wife. The Bible says the woman was the wife of the sinner's father, but it does not say that the woman was also the sinner's wife because of the sexual relationship. In 1 Cor. 7:2, fornication is contrasted with marriage; it is not equated with marriage. Christ's dealings with the woman at the well in John chapter four also teaches that fornication is not marriage. The woman was living with a man, but the Lord Jesus Christ plainly stated that he was not her husband (John. 4:18). Fornication is a union but it is not marriage. As noted earlier, Malachi explains that marriage is more than the sexual union; it is a covenant before God and man (Mal. 2:14), and it is this covenant that God blesses by making the two one (Mal. 2:15). (Part of this material taken from the Way of Life Encyclopedia of the Bible and Christianity, David Cloud, Electronic version 3.5, 2000)
Marriage as God made it is a life time commitment of a man and a woman to each other. The modern practice of living together is a direct violation of this principle because the there is sexual relations without commitment or public commitment that the marriage ceremony entails. There is no real family were there is no marriage and children brought into this confusing environment are greatly harmed and are not taught by example God's plan for the family. It makes a mockery of God's institution of the family. I personally believe that it is a deliberate plan of Satan to destroy the family which is the foundation of stable society. The Devil knows that if he destroys the family and the biblical institution of the family it in turns will destroy lives and society.
Living without marriage is the sin of fornication and a person who knowingly continues in fornication if they are a professing Christian should seriously examine their hearts. If they continue in this sin and refuse to repent and set it right it is a good indication that they are not saved. Jesus said, "My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me." (John 10:27 ) His sheep are those that are truly saved. True believers, believe God and will obey Him. Yes, believer can and do sin and God has made provision for this in that 1 John 1:9 applies. " If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness."
Those involved in this sin should repent which means to stop it immediately that very day and should ask God for His forgiveness. They should honor God by either separating or by getting married and thereby make the life time commitment to each other that God constituted marriage to be. Living outside of marriage makes a mockery of God.
Fornication could also be defined as "the gratification of sexual appetites without respect to marriage or the necessity of God's approval." The Bible uses this term as a general description for immorality (Matt. 5:32; 15:19; 19:9; Acts 15:20,29; 21:15; Rom. 1:29; 1 Cor. 5:1; 6:18; 7:2; 2 Cor. 12:21; Gal. 5:19; Eph. 5:3; Co. 3:5; 1 Thess. 4:3; Rev. 9:21).
Like adultery, fornication is also used in a spiritual sense to describe turning from God to serve false gods (Ezek. 16:29-34; Rev. 2:21; 14:8; 17:2,4; 18:3; 19:2). The Greek word translated fornication is porneia, from which the English word "pornographic" is derived. Sex which is approved by God is limited to the relationship of a husband and wife in the commitment of marriage. Sex outside or before marriage has many destructive results. It cast a shadow over the couple's relationship in that they have had shared themselves in the most intimate way with someone else. It is only truly special when both the husband and wife have given themselves wholly to the no other. Pre-marital sex, sex with other persons robs the couple of the intimacy that God designed them to have with each other. It weakens the bond they should have between each other.
Couples who wait for marriage to have sex have a much better chance of having a lasting and happy marriage. There can be a better commitment to someone to whom you know has only been intimate with you. Many people deeply regret they cheapened themselves and their marriage by sex before marriage. The gave up something truly precious for a moment's fleeing passion.
Of course there is the risk of disease. Sexually transmitted diseases are never a problem for those who only have relations with their chaste spouses.
Sex outside of marriage also has a detrimental effect on a person in that it cheapens it. A person who has had multiple partners loses the specialness of the sexual union.
Sex in its proper function as God intended it is of one giving oneself in love for the other, not simply self gratification. (Eph. 5) When properly experienced it is emotionally and physically gratifying to both partners and that is how God intended it to be. In verse nine Jesus stated Moses' law that only for the case of fornication should a divorce be granted. Again, this was not God's instructions but Moses. It was civil law. The Old Testament laws were the constitution and system of laws of the nation of Israel. Moses law was not God's will, but because men did violate God's law and divorce, God gave this civil law to deal with the situation caused by divorce. In Deuteronomy 24:4 the law stated that a man was not to remarry a woman to whom he was formerly married and divorced because it was a abomination to the Lord. The woman is said to be defiled because she had been with another man. Jesus also plainly states that if a person remarries they are committing adultery.(Matt. 5:32, Matt. 19:9) Again, there is no provision here for divorce and remarriage, but rather a prohibition against it. Jesus then talked about celibacy and in the context of a man getting a divorce caused by adultery. Jesus clearly then addressed remarriage. The disciples understood and stated it was good for the man not to remarry. Jesus then said some men cannot receive this principle. It does not say the principle is set aside because a man desires a woman, but that some men are too weak to live by God's principles and they will marry. Man's failure is not just cause to negate God's principles. Jesus continued by saying "All men cannot receive this saying, save they to whom it is given." The key to understanding this is to determine who is "whom it is given." The lost person or the worldly person certainly does not obey the Lord....but this instruction is given to believers and those that love the Lord. There is no provision or option for divorce or remarriage in God's eyes. The only exception is found in Romans 7:1f and gives instruction concerning separation if two people cannot live together or one leaves the other and God sanctions separation. But this is not addressing divorce, but rather separation. In God's eyes....once a couple is married, they become one flesh for as long as they live. God's instruction is not to break that God ordained bond. Even if they are separated they are one flesh in God's eyes. They can separate physically and not live together, but not divorce, because divorce legally (in civil law) dissolves the marriage bond which is a covenant. It is always a sin to break a covenant. Even though in under civil law the marriage is dissolved, it is not dissolved in God's eyes. Man's laws (like Moses' law that allowed divorce) does not set aside the God given covenant of marriage. It is God that binds a couple together, and man has no authority to do otherwise. Moses wrongly compromised God's principles. Polygamy was other practice God never sanctioned, but was openly practiced. It too was sin and cause get harm to those who practiced it.
I hope this helps. As Bible believing people who love the Lord we must uphold God's principles which are good. The problem today is that because divorce and remarriage are so prevalent and there are so many divorced people in churches. Some preachers will not address the matter to keep from offending someone. That means they are upholding this sin and teaching our children it is acceptable. It is not wonder that in most churches the divorce rate is the same as outside the churches. It is another matter to address God's principles that apply after the divorce and remarriage occurs....and I have not addressed that here.
Probably his wife is a wonderful lady and he is very sincere or educationally qualified...but this is not about personalities or education, but God's principles. I believe that in time it would prove to be a serious error for a congregation to call a man to lead them that has an obvious spiritual problem in his life. God cannot bless sin, nor does he use those that openly disobey Him in leadership in something as serious as marriage. Yes, God forgives....absolutely He forgives, but that does not mean that the matter is erased. Although he is forgiven, he remains married to a divorced woman in an adulterous relationship. People know of the his problem and thus a shadow is cast over his ministry. The reason you wrote me about this is that it is a problem. With a qualified pastor, your consideration would be only to follow God's leading, but because of having a divorced wife you and your church concerned about his spiritual qualifications which are brought into question by his marring a divorced woman. As great a leader as Moses was, when he publicly disobeyed God by letting his emotions control him and striking the rock instead of speaking to it as God said....was disqualified by God and refused to enter the promised land. David was not allowed to build the Temple because of his sins and had his leadership ability was destroyed. Today there is a serious weakest among man men who aspire to the pulpit. Many by their actions show they are more interested in themselves than the Lord.
I do not write this lightly....but with fear and trembling..... I know it is a serious thing to judge the actions of someone, but we are to discern right and wrong
and the Bible is our sole guide. We are to obey God. My heart goes out to the man and his wife. But we are all responsible for our decisions.
I am sure God can use this man in another position somewhere that does not require him to be a pastor and lead a congregation. I know men in similar situations who are faithfully serving the Lord in their local church and in non-pastoral ministries. You too have a responsibility to the man and to God not to offer him a position that he is not qualified for and certainly not called to by God.
Many congregations in today's world will not take this stand on God's principles and will follow the world's wisdom, but Romans 12:1-2 says, "I beseech you
therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service. And be not
conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God." As far as whether a man who was divorced before he was saved is disqualified the answer is "yes." Even though now saved and forgiven...he still has a living wife and probably another family. The verse says "husband of one wife" yet this divorced man has two living wives. Divorce does not nullify a marriage in God's eyes.
Jesus told the woman at the well in John 4:17-18, "The woman answered and said, I have no husband. Jesus said unto her, Thou hast well said, I have no husband:
For thou hast had five husbands; and he whom thou now hast is not thy husband: in that saidst thou truly." You said, (I quote your literal statement as you wrote it) "However, I do have friends that been hurt by this narrow minded, enculturated opinion." Surely our hearts go out to those who have been involved in divorce because it is a tragic thing to happen to anyone. But what about the others involved. What about the heartache, conflict, pain, suffering and destroyed lives caused by divorce. It this something we should be concerned about? I have friends that have been hurt greatly by those who would ignore the fact that God states over and over in His word that He abhors divorce. Yes and I know of many "enlightened" churches and preachers who applying their pragmatic interpretation, taken the human and "cultured" position, which waters down God's word and makes light of the great destructive result of divorce on children, husbands, wives, friends and relatives. As much as we sympathize with the hurt a divorced couple may feel because there is a sigma attached to divorce, but what about the hurt of men, women, children, friends and families who also have been deeply hurt and devastated the couples divorce and remarriage? I have seen the "cultured" of our modern churches ignore all the warnings that God has about divorce and seen them water it down and saying, "Its OK.....remember God loves us and forgives doesn't He?" Yes, God does love and forgive, but He cannot undo the hurt divorce and remarriage causes in people's lives. God cannot condone sinful behavior and put His stamp of approval on sin.
You are right...I am not very "cultured" (I think that is what you mean by "enculturated") and I grant you that, but I believe God and accept what He says about the matter, and further I know the serious destructive result of making little of divorce and promoting it, by letting divorced men, with no sigma attached . . . present divorce as , yes, not to be sought, but acceptable in our modern informed churches. Yet, they never explain that these men are vow breakers....showing themselves to be liars in that they broke their vows made before God. Every marriage ceremony I know of used in churches that claim they are following the Bible makes the vow "that until death do us part." Clearly if they divorce and remarry they have broken their vows made before God and to their bride. Divorced pastors are presenting a mixed message to the people. Before their church and the world they have two living wives, two families, two sets of children. What kind of testimony to the world and especially our young people does this give? What is happening in churches is that the people are looking a their "wonderful" divorced pastor and saying...."See it turned out well for him and it will for me too." The destroyed lives and deep hurt it has caused is not seen and it looks like all is well. But all is not well. Most of these pastors never fully take the responsibility of providing for the family of their ex-wives and children and at best have to divide themselves between their children. And yes, what about the children.....how do they feel and what has been the effect on them? They now have only a part time father, or one they call dad who is not real father. They have half brothers and sisters they rarely see and are uncomfortable around and often hardly even know. Feeling as most do, they often blame themselves feeling that somehow the break up of their family was their fault and not their parents.
And yes, what about Ephesians 5:22, and God's admonition that husbands are to love their wives with "agape" love, which is not based on merit or situation...but on love given as God gives His unmerited grace. I suppose you have some convenient interpretation for that passage also that makes "agage" love to be based on feelings or situations instead of being given in spite of whether it is returned or merited.
Oh, yes, and what about 1 Timothy 3;4, that says the pastor should be "One that ruleth well his own house, having his children in subjection with all gravity." I suppose the divorce nullifies that qualification doesn't it? To which house does it apply? To which children does it apply and how does he do this with the children of his divorced wife? I wonder what is your cultured and enlightened hermeneutic for that passage?
The facts is that God does not call divorced men to pastor His churches and He states that fact as clear as it can be said in His word. Further no divorced and remarried man can be a testimony to God's people of the high standards of God regarding the sanctity of marriage and the family. Yes, a divorced man can be used of God and live a godly life after his divorce, but he remains unqualified to lead God's sheep. I realize this is response is written is a straight forward, somewhat harsh way and I am not being very tactful with you. But understand that I am sick to death of this holier than thou attitude that blatantly ignores God's word and sanctimoniously looks down its long noses at people like me who love God's word and truthfully proclaim it. Those that do this totally ignore the great harm they are causing in the lives of so many people by uphold a blatant lie that God condones divorce and divorce men can pastor churches. These folks may be well meaning, but in simple terms they are compromisers . . . and know little about God and less about His word. Well, I think after over quarter of a century studying God's word, seven years of formal education resulting in two earned degrees in Bible, including two years of studying Koine Greek I have learned a little about God's word. I still have a long ways to go, but I have learned a few things and on this issue God's word is clear as a bell. You condemn me as being "uncultured" even thought I am a person who has a compelling love of God and love of the people of God, of families, children, of churches, my brothers and sisters in Christ, and the work of God. I have help many divorced couples come to Christ and commit their lives to Him. May I say, I think I will continue to uphold God's highest standards as expressed in His word which includes upholding the sanctity of the pulpit and marriage and let God be my Judge....not you. I refuse to be guilty of compromising God's word and gladly accept the shame of being seen as "enculturated" in your eyes, whatever that means? (I could not find it in my copy of Webster's Unabridged New Twentieth Century Dictionary of the English Language) And Sir, before a Holy and Just God I will not apologize to you for that!
If you desire to read further on the matter may I suggest David Cloud's article on the "The Divorced Pastor" at http://www.wayoflife.org/fbns/divorcedpastor.htm . On the matter of divorce from a biblical position read the article on the subject at http://www.wayoflife.org/fbns/divorce&remarriage.htm .
In principle you have a man carrying God's message whose personal life is not a good example because he is divorced and remarried. He is a man who represents the Lord and thus is under a higher standard that those that are not preachers. He may be a fine Christian man, but the fact is a cloud over his ministry and his divorce and remarriage, in the minds of many, reflects on his character and devotion to the Lord and brings it into question. He has two wives, probably two families with children from both marriages. He has broken the the vow he made before God that "till death do us part." Even if he was the one wronged in the marriage and was divorced by his wife....he chose to remarry, which means he put his own desires before God's. If he is a spiritual man, called of God to preach, then he should put the Lord first in everything. (Rom. 12:1-2, Col. 1:18) He can't really tell people give their all to the Lord, because he did not do it himself. Had he chosen to remain unmarried this testimony would be blameless.
God hates divorce and I can find nowhere in the New Testament where God says He approves of remarriage. 1 Cor. 7 presents the instruction that separation is allowed, but the passage does not condone or address remarriage. Some try to use verse 15 to say remarriage is approved, but I strongly disagree. The passage is specifically talking about a situation (case) where a lost spouse leaves and God is saying that the saved spouse is not bound to remain with the lost spouse. But that passage only approves of separation not remarriage. Verses 16-17 says it is better to try and stay with the unsaved. That means having an unsaved spouse does not by itself allow separation. In fact the situation is that the saved spouse can be a good influence on the unsaved spouse and may win them to the Lord. Verse 17 says, "But as God hath distributed to every man, as the Lord hath called every one, so let him walk. And so ordain I in all churches." God's principle then, stated by Paul, is that believers are to remain with the spouse that God has provided for them, lost or saved if possible. I think that in allowing separation God is making provision for mixed marriages where the unsaved spouse abuses the saved spouse. I am to uphold God's Word, which teaches the marriage is sacred and that God hates divorce and does not condone remarriage. Based on the principles I find in God's word, I would be compromising that word to allow a man to preach before my congregation who was divorced and remarried. I believe we are to uphold God purest principles.
What I have stated is not the popular view. Many respond by saying what a great evangelist the man is, but the matter is not about ability, but about upholding biblical principles. Some would counter and say, but look at all the souls saved. But once again, we must be apply the principle. The Word of God stands on its own. I know of a number of people that were lead to the Lord in false churches such as the Pentecostals and who love the Lord and in time left these churches that teach false doctrine and now attend biblical churches. It is never right to do wrong to do right. (Bob Jones, Sr.). I agree...
I do not find that the Bible teaches a man must have to experience something in order to have the authority to teach it, because the Word of God stands on its own. It is not validated by my experience, nor invalidated by lack of experience.
A young person may know the word of God sufficiently as to not be considered a novice. In fact Paul told Timothy not to allow people to "despise his youth" which clearly means people concluded that because he was young he was inexperienced. The word for novice is the word neophutos and literally means being "newly planted or a new convert." Timothy was certainly not a novice having been trained by Paul and his qualification to pastor a church seems evident in that he was the pastor of the church at Ephesus. Paul clearly thought he was experienced enough to set the example for the congregation because he encouraged him to do so. So the word novice does not necessarily have a limited and narrow meaning. 1 Timothy 3:1f is saying not to appointed a new convert to be the pastor of a church.
In 1 Corinthians 7:7 Paul states he wishes all men, were as he was and says that it is not a command, but a personal choice of every man. This clearly means that Paul was not then married at that time. Whether he had been married and was now a widower turns on the interpretation of Acts 26:10 "I gave my voice against them." This can mean he was a member of the Sanhedrin and voted to imprison believers. All members of Sanhedrin he had to be married. It could also mean that he only consented to their capture and imprisonment. If you take the first view....Paul was once married and if you take the second he does not necessarily have had to been married. This is the only reference that might reveal that he was married, but we just do not know for sure. The point is that even though he may have been married in the past....he was not at the time of writing 1 Corinthians and he stated that he thought it was better to be unmarried as a minister of Christ. He surely understood 1 Timothy 3:1f and the qualifications of a pastor....so I do not think he would have advised others in a way that would be contrary to what God clearly stated. If we interpret in the context of the analogy of the faith we must consider all the Bible says on the matter and understand God will never contradict itself.
Let me explain. Paul in 1 Corinthians 7:1-17 is addressing the matter of believers having unsaved spouses. I will not go in to all the passage says, but it does say to the saved partner should not to seek to leave the unsaved, but if the unsaved spouse leaves, then let them depart.(Verse 15) In other words if a
spouse wants to leave there is nothing that can be done but allow it. That refers to divorce. A saved person is not required to remain in a marriage where the
unsaved person leaves. The passage does not say anything about remarriage. Clearly the passage is saying that a saved person should not seek to be
divorced to their spouse and we know that God does not condone or approve of divorce.
However, 1 Corinthians 7:17, 24 says to the saved person remain where you are or in your current situation and do not seek to change it. I believe here is the answer to your question. Before you were saved you experienced a divorce and you remarried. Your current situation is that you are a Christian and
you are married. You cannot change the past, but you have repented of your past sins and that includes the divorce and all past sins. Certainly God has
forgiven you of those sins and in repenting you have turned from those sins and are seeking to live for the Lord. As you expressed you want to do His will.
Yes the Lord does restrict pastors and deacon from being divorced and remarried, but that prohibition for being called to serve the Lord in those capacities is not extended to all service for the Lord. That means a divorced person can serve the Lord in other ways and live a faithful and godly life.
My best answer to your question is to apply the principle of 1 Corinthians 7:17,24. Remain in your present situation. Some would object and say the Lord has not "called" a person to divorce(verse 24). However, the word here has a broader meaning that simply being called or appointed to a situation. It literally means "to be named." In other words, where ever you are named, meaning your current situation, ....abide there in and do not seek to change your marital status. If you now separated from your wife you would be making the worse and I believe that is not God's intention. He wants us to confess our sins and then live for Him.
As to the question of a divorced couple being in a state of continual adultery we have to look at God's provision for sin. A person who steals, if he repents he is forgiven and in repentance, which means to turn from that sins, no longer steals. He steals no more, because he has been convicted in his heart and does not wish to sin anymore. His heart has been changed and lust no longer rules. I do not believe that God has a double standard in regard to the sin of divorce and remarriage. He forgives when the couple repents and they are not committing adultery any longer. Sin is a matter of the heart which produces the action. A man lusts for money and in lust steals. Once the lust is repented of he will no longer steal. In other words his heart has changed. I know this is not a perfect illustration, but in principle when a person repents truly in their heart of divorce and remarriage, they are no longer committing adultery. In marriage it is a little different that committing other sins, and is more involved because two people are joined together and made vows to each other. Divorce and remarriage cannot be changed or undone.
I would put the matter behind you. It is in the past and you cannot change that, but you have an obligation to live for the Lord today and in the future. You cannot change the past, but you can change the future. You and your wife love each other with all your hearts and together love and serve the Lord.
1 Corinthians 7:3-6 says, "Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your inconsistency. But I speak this by permission, and not of commandment."
The phrase "render unto the wife due benevolence" is clearly a reference to conjugal cohabitation made due by the marriage contract. The next verse says plainly the wife does not have power over her body, but her husband. In other words, one without the other, cannot realize the perfect ideal of marriage.
Verse 5 says the neither marriage partner should "defraud" the other in their conjugal duties unless they mutually agree because of fasting. But it says after fasting they should "come together." The Greek word "apostereo" means to "defraud" as our KJB accurately translates, meaning something that is kept back by fraud.
Thus it seems clear that the Bible is saying that husbands and wives have conjugal duties to each other in a marriage. Marriage is a contract between a man and a woman in which certain things are agreed. Vows are openly and equally agreed to. Both parties are to honestly and openly enter into the contract being in agreement. If one party enters the contract in bad faith, or does not honor agreement, that is fraud, and the contract is null and void. I understand that in most states a marriage may be legally annulled if the marriage has not been consummated, which means there has been not sexual intercourse. Without consummation there has been no marriage, unless both parties agree that is a term of the marriage which you have stated was not agreed to. You should check with a lawyer or legal adviser about the law concerning this in your state.
Certainly, God disapproves of divorce, but if there has been no marriage, my best understanding is that biblically this prohibition against divorce does not apply if the marriage is not consummated.
I hope this helps you sort this out and gives you a biblical and legal option. It is not a matter of you sinning.
Jesus then stated that under the Law, (which Christians are not under today) only fornication was justification for divorce.
He did not say....adultery, but fornication. Fornication is sexual relations, before a marriage is consummated, by the wife. Adultery is sexual relations with other than one's spouse. It is important to understand that Jesus used the word "fornication" not adultery. If the husband on their wedding night found his betrothed wife not to be a virgin he could write a bill of divorcement and reject her as his wife. You must understand the context of Jesus' statement was in regard to the oriental marriage which was in three stages. The betrothal, the wedding feast when the groom came for the bride and the consummation on the wedding night. Read Matthew 1:18-19. Mary was with child and the marriage of Mary and Joseph had not been consummated. He was actually married to her when the marriage was arranged and could have divorced her when he found her with child. However, Mary was a virgin and the angel explained to him what were the circumstances. Thus he did not divorce her.
Divorce is destroying our nation and also our churches. It is decimating our families and children, how then can we support it!! Especially, when God condemns it. The rate of divorce among church members is the same as in the secular population. Why??? Because many preachers, many who are good men, have misunderstood God's word and have falsely and sinfully condoned divorce and remarriage....even among preachers!!! God allows separation as 1 Corinthians 7:1-17 explains, but God never condones or approves of divorce and absolutely not for pastors and preachers.
Respectfully, I hope this helps you understand this important truth. I am amazed that there is so much confusion on the matter when the word of God is perfectly clear. Clearly it is Satan who is the author of lies that is ultimately behind all the confusion. You should confess your sin of false teaching and correct it from your pulpit. "Watch ye, stand fast in the faith, quit you like men, be strong. Let all your things be done with charity" Ā (1 Corinthians 16:13-14 ) If you are divorced you should obey God and immediately resign. There are many ways a divorced man can serve God, but not from the pulpit.
A Christian who considers marrying a person who has been divorced several times should ask themselves several questions. One: "What does God say?" Second: is this person a good choice for marriage? For the Christian marriage is "till death do us part." Is there a pattern of marital problems?
Do you think that God would approve of a person who, knowing God's mind and stated word on some matter, willingly disobey God. Should a believer listen to God and obey Him or not? Does not God know what is best?
I cannot advise you what on what your brother should do. I can only point out what God says and then leave the matter up to the person.
The married man and woman become one spiritually and physically by an act of God, not by an a mere act of sexual intimacy (Mat. 19:5-6). The oneness between Adam and Eve was created when God pronounced them man and wife and brought them together even before they knew each other intimately (Gen. 2:22,23). Sexual intimacy is not marriage. Adam made vows before God and Eve before intimacy took place.
The New Testament teaches the same thing. In 1 Co. 5:1, for example, we see the case of the church member who committed the sin of fornication with his father's wife. The Bible says the woman was the wife of the sinner's father, but it does not say that the woman was also the sinner's wife because of the sexual relationship. In 1 Co. 7:2, fornication is contrasted with marriage; it is not equated with marriage. Christ's dealings with the woman at the well in John chapter four also teaches that fornication is not marriage. The woman was living with a man, but the Lord Jesus Christ plainly stated that he was not her husband (John. 4:18).
Sex outside of marriage is the sin of fornication is a union, but it is not marriage. Only sex within marriage not sin. As noted earlier, Malachi explains that marriage is more than the sexual union; it is a covenant before God and man (Mal. 2:14), and it is this covenant that God blesses by making the two one (Mal. 2:15). (This material is taken from the Way of Life Ency. of the Bible and Christianity, by David Cloud with some minor changes) Marriage is defined by the Bible and civil law as, "The act of uniting a man and woman for life; wedlock; the legal union of a man and woman for life. Marriage is a contract both civil and religious, by which the parties engage to live together in mutual affection and fidelity, till death shall separate them. Marriage was instituted by God himself for the purpose of preventing the promiscuous intercourse of the sexes, for promoting domestic felicity, and for securing the maintenance and education of children" (Webster).
Jesus stated God's position in verses 15-16. God does not approve of divorce for any reason.
The Pharisees replied with the question....if that is God's position then why did He allow Moses to issue bills of divorcement?
Jesus replied....the reason was because of the hardness of their hearts which means the sinful lives many were living. In other words they would not live by God spiritual laws and thus were in reality divorcing their wives. So the matter of dealing with divorce had become a civil problem in Israel. God in allowing Moses to issue bills of divorcement was responding to their sinful behavior which was causing confusion in Jewish society.
Jesus then, replying to the matter of civil law of Israel stated that fornication should be the only reason for allowing a civil divorce. He further confirmed the sanctity of marriage by stating if someone married the divorced person they would be guilty of adultery. God does not recognize divorce and even if there is a civil divorce in God's see the couple remain joined together till their deaths.
Thus Jesus was dealing with human civil laws and was not condoning or putting God's approval on divorce. God mind on the matter is clear...." What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder."
However, marriages in Bible were not valid until consummated normally on the wedding night. For example: Jacob was betrothed to Rachel for seven years, however on the wedding night Labin, Rachel's father tricked Jacob and substituted Leah and Jacob unknowingly consummated the marriage with Leah and not Rachel. He was legally married to Leah and also betrothed still to Rachel and had to work for seven more years for Rachel. Both marriages were not consummated until their wedding night. Under Old Testament law there were reasons a marriage was not official which was that the bride to be was not a virgin and that was discovered the wedding night.
There is no stated law in the Bible that says that marriage is not valid until consummated. A contract involves both parties honoring the agreement. Note what Paul stated:
"Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband." (1 Corinthians 7:3) "Due benevolence"¯ is the verb opheilo and means "I owe." In other words the husband is to give his wife what is due her and the text seems to refer to conjugal rights.
Further Paul wrote, "The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your inconsistency. But I speak this by permission, and not of commandment"¯ (1 Corinthians 7:4-6) Verse 5 the word defraud is apostero and means not to steal or rob. The implication is "do not deprive or cheat each other in sexual relations€¯ The only exception was to devote one's self to spiritual activities of prayer and fasting.
Paul says this was not a commandment, but given as a concession which would be approved by Christ. This means, for the persons involved, Paul was not telling them what to do, but this was to be judged for themselves. Each spouse should be conscientious in acting appropriately to the other. Sexual relations is a normal part of marriage and it is abnormal for it not to exist in a marriage. The fact that Paul mentions this means it is something that needs to be addressed considering, Christ like behavior, their testimony, and their witness to their spouse. A believer should respect and honor their spouse and take into consideration their needs and desires.
The fact that a spouse is not a believer and making reference to 1 Corinthians 713, the pertinent verse says,
"And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him"¯ (1 Corinthians 7:13)
This statement can be applied this vise versa and apply it to both spouses. Basically, the reason for the separation under this verse would be the matter of an unsaved spouse being offended or at odds with having a saved spouse. The separation is not "just"¯ because the spouse is lost. Verse 15 makes is clear that the unsaved spouse making a issue of their spouses salvation which is causing serious conflict in the marriage. The saved spouse can leave and is not obligated to remain in that abusive an situation
In most states marriage laws do not annul a marriage because it was not consummated. In some states if one spouse does not reveal their impotence there is grounds for a law suit and annulment, even though the marriage vows do not mention consummation. It is assumed that marriage involves sexual relations. A lawyer would have to be consulted concerning this.
You will find some who dogmatically state the marriage is an unbreakable contract and confutation is not an issue in dissolving the marriage. Personally, I believe based on Paul" statements God has given some lea way in rare situations. However, ultimately, the decision is a personal one that a believer makes considering as stated earlier, their commitment to the Lord, their testimony before others, and the possible salvation of the unsaved spouse, Only the persons involved can know that. I would prayerfully consider each equation of your situation and seek God" direction.
I hope I at least given you some principles to base your decision. I prayed that the Lord would guide you to His will in this.
Prayerfully, do as you feel the Lord is directing you and honor the Lord in all you do. Showing bitterness or anger will not help and also criticizing your wife to others. Others and your children know the situation and they will respect you if you handle this in a what that the Lord would have you.
I do wish you well and pray that the impact of this will be minimal.
I do wish you well and pray that the impact of this will be minimal.
Also note 1 Corinthians 7:17, 20, and 24. "But as God hath distributed to every man, as the Lord hath called every one, so let him walk. And so ordain I in all churches." (1 Corinthians 7:17) Further Paul states: "Let every man abide in the same calling wherein he was called." (1 Corinthians 7:20) "Brethren, let every man, wherein he is called, therein abide with God." (1 Corinthians 7:24)
God says to remain in the situation you are in which means the second marriage. You cannot undo the marriage or return to the former marriage, so remain where the Lord has allowed you to be. As verses 21-23 state, as a servant of Jesus Christ, His bond servant, serve Him..... God tells us that as stewards of our lives and what the Lord has given us we are to be faithful. "Moreover it is required in stewards, that a man be found faithful." (1 Corinthians 4:2)
You clearly love the Lord and want to live for Him, then do so and be assured you sins are forgiven and will not be remembered. You confessed them as 1 John 1:9 says and you can know the Lord will cleanse you having forgiven.
Love your husband and your family and live a godly example before them. "For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy." (1 Corinthians 7:14) In other words, you may be able to win your husband to the Lord through you testimony of godly living.
I hope this helps. The Lord is certainly working in your heart as shown by your desire to do what He desires for you. God will bless you, your family and marriage as you serve Him.
I do wish you well and pray that the impact of this will be minimal.
I know the next argument is that God allowed Moses to write bills of divorcement. Yes, but this was the cases where the couple was already divorced and the man, not giving a civil bill of divorcement to the abandoned wife was keeping her from finding support. God did not approve or condone it, but allowed it to help the abandoned wife by giving her a written legal divorce paper. However, God never condones divorce. Jesus said it was because of the hardness of their hearts that God allowed it.
Vows plainly state till death do us part. The spiritual Christian will obey the Lord, and God will bless them for their faith, trust and obedience in Him. Adultery is a serious sin and God never condones remarriage because it constitutes adultery.
God does not use divorce men who are remarried and in a adulterous relationship to pastor His local church. My article explains that. Does God forgive....certainly He does, but His forgiveness does not change the fact of the adultery in the case of divorce and there being a living spouse.
Something you missed is Mark 10:5 "And Jesus answered and said unto them, For the hardness of your heart he wrote you this precept." (Mark 10:5) God told Moses to give a "bill of divorcement" the wives these sinful men had put out or abandoned. The stigma of divorce was hanging over the heads of these women and they could not remarry. God was on condoning divorce, but in an act of compassion helping these victimized women. God never condoned divorce, but allow the Bill of Divorcement because of the hardness or sin of their husbands.
You should understand that marriage is given of God and is a sacred institution. It pictures the relationship of a believer with God. This is why Satan has fiercely assailed marriage. The attempt is to shake off the authority of the great God who made and rules all things. Thus with regard to marriage, men tell us it is simply an agreement between two persons, which the State takes notice of only for the sake of public convenience, like it does of the lease of a house. This leaves out of view the most powerful part of matrimony — the spiritual. True, it is a legal engagement; but it is also a solemn engagement before God. "Whom God hath joined together," etc. See, the golden links of matrimony are of heavenly temper. What hand can be so impious as to try to burst them asunder? Everywhere Christ and His apostles speak of one wife; as the great God only created one man and one woman. It is a solemn moment when two immortal beings venture out on life's stormy sea in the bark of matrimony, with no aid but their own to help them. A mistake in matrimony is a mistake for life. Do not Christians find it important to avoid the friendship of the irreligious; what then is likely to be the effect of marriage with the ungodly? Married life is a detector of the real character. After marriage, faults are discovered, perhaps, to be greater than was expected, and excellencies less. Disappointment springs up; contempt follows. Do you find much you did not expect? Remember you also are showing much that was not expected, and as you do not like in consequence of your faults to cease to be loved, so also do not let the faults you see kill your own love. Do not gloomily meditate on each other's failings, for that will make them seem greater than they are. If you would see your life partner's faults amended, you should set the example by amending your own. Gentleness, firmness, forbearance, cheerfulness, openness, must be the chains with which husband and wife try to keep marriage love from escaping. The marriage life was intended to promote human happiness; but it brings with it peculiar duties, and the happiness marriage was intended to impart will be wanting, if the duties of the married life are neglected.
The scribes in asking Jesus about the question of divorce were trying to trick Him into denying his statement of Matthew 5:32 where He said "But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery." (Matthew 5:32) Jesus did not deny what He had clearly stated and said God only permitted Moses to write a bill of divorcement because of the sin (hardness of their hearts). He said from the beginning God joined them in one indissoluble bend; but man's nature having become corrupt through sin, that sin changed and corrupted the institution, and so was the occasion of bills of divorcement, and polygamy. The Law of Moses put some restraint upon the freedom with which men had till then put away their wives; for thenceforth, a divorce could not take place until some legal steps had been taken, and a regular instrument had been drawn up; and this delay might often be the means of preventing a divorce which might otherwise have been effected in a moment of passion. Thus this legislation was adapted to the imperfect moral condition of the people, who were as yet quite unprepared for a higher moral code. God never condoned divorced...and to remarry is to commit adultery.
What is interesting to me is the same thing is going on today and throughout history. Sinful men and women are trying to justify divorce and remarriage never considering Jesus own words, nor the heartache, hurt, and destruction that divorce causes in families, husbands, wives and tragically in the lives of children. We can expect the unsaved to not live by God's principles, but Christians certainly should. Sadly, many don't and thus the problem. (Some of my answer is copied)
[Independent Baptist Preacher comments] I saw your message about a divorce man not being able to be a pastor or a deacon. I suggest you learn how to read the scriptures and study all of the verses on divorce. I thought the way you think for years until I started really studying it on my own. AND YES I AM AN INDEPENDENT BAPTIST PREACHER.(spelling is as received)
[Should a man with a divorced wife be qualified as a pastor?] If a born again believer was married and his wife passed away and he later remarried, but the woman he remarried is a divorced woman, then he feels a calling to become a pastor. Does this disqualify him from becoming a pastor by marrying a divorced woman? Since his first wife was deceased, I believe he passes the qualifications on his part. The reason I'm asking is our church is searching for a pastor and this situation was made aware to us during the interview and several of the men (including myself) felt that he should not hold the title of pastor. I know all the verses speak of the man being divorced eliminates him from being pastor. Are we wrong in disqualifying him from being a pastor because his wife is a divorced woman ? Could you please comment on this situation (scripture references) ? Thank you.
[I take issue with your presentation of 1 Tim 3:2] When approached hermetically, you can assume that a man, at the time of office, is the husband of one wife. There is no way that you can legitimately assume that divorce and remarriage was the intent of the author. . . .PS: I am neither divorced or a minister. However, I do have friends that been hurt by this narrow minded, enculturated opinion (sic).
[Divorced Evangelists] Does the restriction against a pastor being remarried apply as well to evangelists?
[Pastor must be married?]I believe a man must be married - not marriage = not qualified .. he is a novice in the area of the home with no track record therefore he is not blameless. No children = not qualified, again there is an area that he has not been tested and tried and again he would not be blameless but a novice. No first hand experience in teaching and raising kids - only head knowledge. It is like a person who knows the Romans Road Map and can teach others to lead people to Christ but having no personal fruits...zilch - none - goose egg.
When God saves us He forgives all past, present and future sins. Thus, all a believer's sins are forgiven by God's mercy and Grace. After a person is saved in 1 John 1:9 tells the Christian to ask God for forgiveness when he fails and ask in repentance. Repentance means more than just being sorry, it means to turn from sin and go in the opposite direction. True true repentance involves the attitude of making the commitment not commit the sin again. God promises he will forgive (He already has) and cleanse us from doing the sin again. Confession of sin, which is the admitting to and self confronting of our sin is part of the possess of overcoming the sin in the future.
Answer: Clearly, the Bible teaches that one who divorces and then remarries commits adultery.
Answer: The Bible has much to say about marriage, divorce and separation. Your situation breaks my heart and I know it very hard to live under the situation you described. You are certainly not alone in your situation. Although we do know the heart of others, one's actions or fruit can be an indication of whether they are saved or not. I hope you understand that I cannot tell you what to do. That is something between you and the Lord. I will try to show you from the Bible the principles that God has given to guide one who is seeking God's will in these matters.
"And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband: But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife. But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away. And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy. But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace. For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save thy husband? or how knowest thou, O man, whether thou shalt save thy wife? But as God hath distributed to every man, as the Lord hath called every one, so let him walk. And so ordain I in all churches."
2. However, if she does depart, she should remain unmarried. V11
3. If a saved person has a lost spouse God says the saved spouse should do not depart on grounds that other spouse is lost. It if OK to for a saved person to remain married to an unsaved person. V12-13
4. The presence of a saved person in the home "sanctifies" meaning sets the home apart by giving it a Christian influence. V14
5. If the unsaved spouse leaves....God says then let them leave. God does not bound the saved person by the actions of the unsaved spouse and the saved spouse has to accept a unsaved spouse's leaving. However, there is no provision for remarriage here or anywhere else in the New Testament. V16.
6. Not knowing the future, we do not know if staying with a unsaved spouse will cause them to be saved in the future, but it is possible and this should be taken into account. V16
7. The saved spouse should seek to remain in the marriage. V17-24.
"God hath called us to peace." "Religion is peaceful. It would prevent contentions and broils. This is to be a grand principle. If it cannot be obtained by living together, there should be a peaceful separation; and where such a separation has taken place, the one which has departed should be suffered to remain separate in peace. God has called us to live in peace with all if we can. This is the general principle of religion on which we are always to act. In our relation to our partners in life, as well as in all other relations and circumstances, this is to guide us. Calvin supposes that this declaration pertains to the former part of this verse; and that Paul means to say, that if the unbelieving depart, he is to be suffered to do so peaceably, rather than to have contention and strife, for God has called us to a life of peace.
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People who live together and are not married according to the Bible are committing the sin of fornication. God certainly condemns it. Fornication is a biblical term that describes a number of sexual sins.
2. Sexual relations between a married man with an unmarried woman.
3. It can be used to name adultery and incest.
4. It is used to describe the forsaking of the true God and worshiping of idols.
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The Bible uses the term "fornication" which refers to the incontinence or lewdness of unmarried persons, male or female; also, the criminal conversation of a married man with an unmarried woman; adultery; incest; a forsaking of the true God and worshiping of idols (Webster).
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Please let me explain it this way. In Matthew 19 Jesus was talking to Jews in reference to the Old Testament laws. The context is that the Pharisees were trying to trick Jesus into making statements contrary to the law. Divorce was a problem for them also and had been through their history.(See Jer. 3:8, Mal. 2:10-17) Jesus stated in verses 4-6 God's principle is that marriage is binding and divorce is not acceptable to God. "Let not what God hath joined be set asunder." Jesus said it was because of the hardness of their hearts that Moses allowed divorce.....it was never God's intention or has God ever approved of divorce and remarriage.
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Many people are struggling with this problem. 1 Timothy 3:2, says a bishop (pastor) is to be the husband of one wife. It does not mention whether the wife has been divorced or not. However, there are other principles of God's word that apply to this situation. Matthew 5:32 and 19:9, clearly state that a man who marries a divorced woman is committing adultery. Further it is repeatedly stated in each Gospel that Christians are not do commit adultery. You asked for my opinion and I will give it based on God's principles. I believe that because of having a divorced wife the man has a serious hindrance and limitation to his ministry. Further it shows a serious flaw in his spiritual character. He as a child of God and as God's preacher, ignored the fact the woman was married and divorced and he made a conscience and willing decision to ignore God's instructions and principles about adultery and married a divorced woman. Therefore he willingly chose to commit the serious and public sin of adultery. Do you think that God will chose to use or call to lead His children, one who by his decisions shows a disregard of God's instructions and who has willing sinned against God? How can a man lead others to follow the Lord when he by his life shows he does not obey God himself. Does not a leader of a congregation have a higher standard? If the preacher wanted a wife, could He have not trusted God to give him a wife that was not divorced or did not have a living husband, and that would not be a hindrance to the ministry God called him too? Does this man's actions show he is committed wholly to the Lord? If he thought his ministry to the Lord was important...then he should he have not trusted the Lord for a wife that was not divorced and thus his marriage would not be a hindrance to his ministry. He by marrying the divorced woman shows that his ministry and God's will is at least only a second priority in his life....not the first as God requires.
Answer: I am sorry you take issue with the Bible's, not my, presentation of the fact that a divorced and remarried man is not biblically qualified to be a pastor. Your "hermeneutic" is in error, but I am sure you will not accept that because your interpretation is based in your bias. A divorced Christian can serve the Lord in many capacities and be greatly used of the Lord, and I know many who are doing
just that, but Sir, God does not call divorced men to lead his people. His standards are higher than yours.
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The consensus of most pastors is that it would not apply to an evangelist. I lean the other way because in interpreting God's word and when the Scriptures are not specific about a particular situation, we must apply the relevant principles to determine what God would want us to do.
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How do you reconcile your belief that a pastor must be married with the fact that Timothy, Titus and John are recorded as pastors of the Ephesus church and are not reported as being married?
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I think the principle that applies to your situation is found in 1 Corinthians 7:17,24 "But as God hath distributed to every man, as the Lord hath called every one, so let him walk. And so ordain I in all churches. . . Brethren, let every man, wherein he is called, therein abide with God."
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First read the following passage:
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How do you handle Matthew 19:8? The Pharisees asked Jesus why Moses allowed divorce. Jesus responded that Moses...not God...allowed divorce because of the hardness of their hearts, but He states that in the beginning it was not so! So who do you follow...Moses or Jesus Christ?
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There is no mention in Scripture of a man making a vow to marry a specific woman and then not marrying her. Just because a man says he will not marry a woman...he is not under any obligation to do that. Whoever a man marries....that is his wife and in the marriage ceremony the man has made specific promises or vows to her and God. So the couple is married...legally and before God. A vow is not the same as a man "saying" something. However, a formal vow is what a man does in the marriage ceremony. The reference in Deut. is to making a formal vow.
The bottom line is there is a great deal of difference between stating something and making a formal vow.
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The question for a Christian is not, is the woman a nice and likable woman, but what does God say about the matter and should we obey God? Jesus said, "Whosoever putteth away his wife, and marrieth another, committeth adultery: and whosoever marrieth her that is put away from her husband committeth adultery." (Luke 16:18)
Answer: For a Christian the question is simple....would the first wife not be also hurting the second wife and her children and more importantly would her actions honor the Lord and uphold godly principles of conduct? What kind of testimony would she have after being party to breaking up the second marriage? A person cannot undo the results of our mistakes (sins) nor can we go back and correct them. It is a fanciful thought that one can go back and restore the past, but just not realistic. Further, what ever caused the man to leave in the first place may cause him to after a while do it again. Could you trust someone who left his wife and married some else and now says for all these years really never loved his second wife. Further what kind of man would again abandon his second wife after all those years of marriage? A man who would do this shows he is very selfish and would deeply hurt his present wife for his own selfish desires. The man's actions indicate that he is unstable and not someone who will make a commitment that a true marriage requires. His first wife has little or nothing to gain and a lot to lose.
Answer: All we need to do is look around us to see that immoral sexual relations do produce a unity between the partners (1 Cor. 6:15-18), and the Bible nowhere says having sexual relations equates to marriage. When a married man and woman commit adultery. When a single man and woman commit fornication, they are joined together in their sin, but they are not thereby married. There is no commitment accompanied with vows. If this were the case, the fornicators would not need to be married; they would already be married to their partners through the sexual relationship. This is not the case, though. According to the Mosaic law, if a man enticed an unmarried girl and had relations with her, he was obligated to marry her unless her father refused to allow that (Ex. 22:16-17). The law did not say the two were already married because of their sexual union. The fact that the girl's father could refuse to allow his daughter to be the man's wife is proof that they were not already wed.
Answer: Please note that verse 3 states that Jesus' question and answer was dealing with "is it lawful." Thus the context is that He was answering a question posed by the Pharisees about Israel's civil law concerning divorce.
Answer: First, Marriage is a contract between two people in which they mutually vow to commitment themselves to each other for as long as they both live. The marriage contract does not mention anything about consummating the marriage. Death ends the marriage and commitment.
Answer: I certainly understand your frustration, hurt and pain. There is not an easy solution, but as to your question will you be held accountable for ending the marriage the answer is found in 1 Corinthians 7:10-40. Verse 11 and 15 which allows for separation. In other words a Christian does not have to live in a marriage that is abusive, which means physically and also mentally as well. The stigma of being divorced is real, but when infidelity has been prevalent for years people understand. Divorce does hurt all concerned, but God will not hold you accountable for what you did not do. You seem overly willing to forgive and try to save your marriage, but the reality is if she is not willing your hands are tied.
Answer: Thank you for sharing this with me. It is often difficult to learn biblical principles for our lives, but we trust the Lord and know what He teaches us is the best. Not easy, but the best. By the way, being submissive does not mean be a door mat, but being a willing partner with your husband. It means supporting Him and encouraging Him to be the man and husband God wants. Sadly, many men do not see their responsibilities and role in the family and marriage as well, so it works both ways. However, a tactful wife can prayerfully teach her husband these principles if it is done very carefully, with respect, genuine love.
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Lots of people are in the same situation as you are and God has made provision for that also. He knows we fail, but our failures are under the blood of Jesus Christ and we are already forgiven. The question is as you stated is what to do now. Note what Paul instructed the Corinthians. "And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him." (1 Corinthians 7:13) So unless there is abuse or something of that nature the wife should stay with her husband.
Answer: The phrase "under bondage" means not obligated to remain with the abusive, unsaved, or spouse who deserts you. Paul is simply saying that if an unbelieving partner demands separation, the believer is not under bondage (literally enslaved) to preserve the marriage. It is not necessary for the Christian spouse to contest the marriage and try to prevent it. The Christian understanding God prohibition against divorce, as this passage reflects, is concerned about how God would view the separation or divorce. That is what Paul is saying. The deserted or abused spouse is not obligated by God to remain in that situation. However, Paul says nothing in the verse about a second marriage for the deserted spouse. In God's word we do not use an obscure verse to nullify what God has repeated stated in other passages and the rest of His word. The context is about separation or divorce from an spouse that wants a divorce and pursues it by desertion. If the Christian remarries they would be committing adultery. (See Romans 7:2-3, 1 Cor. 7:39). Sir, God does not contradict Himself.
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I am not sure I understand your comments, but I will respond as it is clear you approve and support divorce and remarriage. The word "divorce" ker-ee-thooth' (means a cutting of marriage...thus divorce)[translated "divorce" only once in KJV - Jer. 3:8] However, the word ker-ee-thooth' is translated "bill of divorcement" three times in the Old Testament. (De 24:1,3; Isa 50:1; ) Jesus used the word "apostasion" which is translated a "writing of divorcement."(Mt 5:31; Mt 19:7; Mr 10:4) The word refers to a formal, document that civilly (grants legal divorce) and dissolves a marriage.